the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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