I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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