I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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