She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
