then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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