You're my little dorito
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I skipped work to stalk him.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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