Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
