my phone needs a breathalizer
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
