3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
