your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
