I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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