My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
