She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
