had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
