u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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