it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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