JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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