So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
