no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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