Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
