I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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