Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
