Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
