when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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