Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
