worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
