hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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