I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
