I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
