smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
