I am spending my child support on dildos
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
