3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
