Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
