god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
