If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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