i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
