I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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