i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
