youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
