He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
