How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
