listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
