Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
