i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This baby is an asshole
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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