No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
