I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
