Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
