They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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