I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
barbara walters just said penis...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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