i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
