Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
