I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
