Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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