dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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